Since my father has recently passed away, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the things he inadvertently taught me through his actions and words. I came up with a list of the top five things:
1. Be Completely Present
During my elementary school years, my father had a job in a town an hour away from where we lived. Every day, he would drive the hour to work and another hour home. Even though he was tired after a long day of work and a long drive, he always made time for me. We’d play catch or shoot hoops. He came to my practices and games. He coached some of my teams. Despite how tired he must have been, he was present in my life.
In today’s world of 24-hour TV, computers, and internet-connected cell phones, it is easy to be physically present, but not mentally present in the lives of others. Choose to be completely present instead.
2. Work Hard and Earn It
When I was 11, my older sibling asked for and received a stereo for Christmas. For the 1980’s, it had all the bells and whistles: tower speakers, a turntable, dual cassette decks, a radio, and some serious wattage. It was awesome, and I wanted one exactly like it.
I went to my father and asked if he’d buy me one. He asked me what I’d be willing to do for it. I offered to pay half. (I wish I could say that I had made the offer carefully, after figuring out how much it was going to cost me and how long it would take me, but, alas, I didn’t).
He agreed to my offer.
It took me six months and tons of extra chores, but I finally saved up enough to pay half. This was the beginning of deal making with my dad. Anytime there was something that I really wanted, I would offer to pay half. My purchases under these terms were valued and cared for because I had worked to earn them.
This established a lifelong pattern for me. If there was something I wanted, I could work hard and (probably) earn it. Of course, the older I got, the more complicated that became and I wasn’t always successful. Even so, working hard toward my goals have allowed me to achieve great things in my life. I believe the principle remains solid: if you want something, work hard for it.
3. Pay Attention
During my high school years, my father and I would spend a couple hours before school sitting together at the kitchen table, just us. We talked about everything. I learned a great deal about my dad as a person during those chats.
Later, after I had finished college and gotten a job far away, my father reminisced with me about those talks. Specifically, he told me that he missed them. I did too.
It is easy to talk to people without really hearing what they are saying. Those discussions with my dad taught me how to have real conversations and encouraged me to pay attention to what people told me.
4. Crunch the Numbers
My father often sat at the kitchen table with a calculator and used the back of an envelope to make hundreds of calculations. He loved numbers and took particular glee in being able to figure out numbers-based equations.
Careful planning and number crunching led my dad to open a store, which became a successful chain of stores. He provided two kids with their first cars. He put two kids through college. He took my mom on vacations around the world. Over the course of my life, he designed several houses that we lived in, each of which was paid off within a couple years of their completion.
Everything my dad did was planned. He crunched the numbers and counted the cost. I, too, have done so, and it has allowed me to live an amazing life full of incredible opportunities.
5. Do Unto Others
My father was always kind to others and generous with his money and time. He helped as many people as he could, wherever he could. But what has most struck me since his passing was his genuine concern for others. For example, my father had a secretary that smoked. Worried about her health, he offered her a large sum of money as an incentive for her to quit smoking.
While that may seem such a small thing, an insignificant event in one person’s life, the effect rippled outward. She was given the opportunity to live a longer and healthier life, to know her future grandkids.
Influenced by my father, in my own life, I have also done what I can to help people, whenever I can, knowing that the smallest of things ripple outward to great effect.
_____________________________________________
I miss you dad. Rest in peace.
1. Be Completely Present
During my elementary school years, my father had a job in a town an hour away from where we lived. Every day, he would drive the hour to work and another hour home. Even though he was tired after a long day of work and a long drive, he always made time for me. We’d play catch or shoot hoops. He came to my practices and games. He coached some of my teams. Despite how tired he must have been, he was present in my life.
In today’s world of 24-hour TV, computers, and internet-connected cell phones, it is easy to be physically present, but not mentally present in the lives of others. Choose to be completely present instead.
2. Work Hard and Earn It
When I was 11, my older sibling asked for and received a stereo for Christmas. For the 1980’s, it had all the bells and whistles: tower speakers, a turntable, dual cassette decks, a radio, and some serious wattage. It was awesome, and I wanted one exactly like it.
I went to my father and asked if he’d buy me one. He asked me what I’d be willing to do for it. I offered to pay half. (I wish I could say that I had made the offer carefully, after figuring out how much it was going to cost me and how long it would take me, but, alas, I didn’t).
He agreed to my offer.
It took me six months and tons of extra chores, but I finally saved up enough to pay half. This was the beginning of deal making with my dad. Anytime there was something that I really wanted, I would offer to pay half. My purchases under these terms were valued and cared for because I had worked to earn them.
This established a lifelong pattern for me. If there was something I wanted, I could work hard and (probably) earn it. Of course, the older I got, the more complicated that became and I wasn’t always successful. Even so, working hard toward my goals have allowed me to achieve great things in my life. I believe the principle remains solid: if you want something, work hard for it.
3. Pay Attention
During my high school years, my father and I would spend a couple hours before school sitting together at the kitchen table, just us. We talked about everything. I learned a great deal about my dad as a person during those chats.
Later, after I had finished college and gotten a job far away, my father reminisced with me about those talks. Specifically, he told me that he missed them. I did too.
It is easy to talk to people without really hearing what they are saying. Those discussions with my dad taught me how to have real conversations and encouraged me to pay attention to what people told me.
4. Crunch the Numbers
My father often sat at the kitchen table with a calculator and used the back of an envelope to make hundreds of calculations. He loved numbers and took particular glee in being able to figure out numbers-based equations.
Careful planning and number crunching led my dad to open a store, which became a successful chain of stores. He provided two kids with their first cars. He put two kids through college. He took my mom on vacations around the world. Over the course of my life, he designed several houses that we lived in, each of which was paid off within a couple years of their completion.
Everything my dad did was planned. He crunched the numbers and counted the cost. I, too, have done so, and it has allowed me to live an amazing life full of incredible opportunities.
5. Do Unto Others
My father was always kind to others and generous with his money and time. He helped as many people as he could, wherever he could. But what has most struck me since his passing was his genuine concern for others. For example, my father had a secretary that smoked. Worried about her health, he offered her a large sum of money as an incentive for her to quit smoking.
While that may seem such a small thing, an insignificant event in one person’s life, the effect rippled outward. She was given the opportunity to live a longer and healthier life, to know her future grandkids.
Influenced by my father, in my own life, I have also done what I can to help people, whenever I can, knowing that the smallest of things ripple outward to great effect.
_____________________________________________
I miss you dad. Rest in peace.